My confession

 

After a good nights sleep I have this to say. Once again I'm being 100% straight up honest speaking from the heart.

I got into this because it looked like fun and for the most part. Recent events in which I have been part in and take responsibility for seems to have brought negative energy to the group the **The Pornstars**. I'm not going to lie... There is less talk less chatter in general.

I'm a creative person my nature and a very competitive one. The creative side of me is what drew me to this, but the competitive side has taken control of Rayven Baily and has lead to her destruction.  I'm very proud of my movies - I actually watched them all today -  and I can honestly say there isn't much I would change about them. Watching them, gave me a good sense at where I *once* was and how far I have fallen. I'm not proud of my recent actions. This is not me. An I have had a big part in destroying what I built. I only have myself to blame.

I wanted to make a change for the better. I wanted to make **The Pornstars** and SL Porn something more people could share in This is why I spoke up about taking that extra little effort into your movies. I guess I tried to make myself a martyr thinking I could change things for the better.. but taking a stance for quality turned into a personal battle with others.

I love creativity and creative people. I LOVE old architecture of buildings. I have taken everything Emanuelle Jamseson and others have worked hard to build and instead of making it better.. I have done the complete opposite. I have become a cancer.

The whole princess thing I do is a roleplay - I created it because I thought it would be fun and funny. Story goes like this. I worked with this cute little blonde girl years ago. We became friends and even fooled around a bit. She used to do the "princess" things.. but didn't say "here comes the princess" but did say she was a princess. Then after her and I fooled around well... she sort of got around. Managers, follow employees and customers... she eventually left to take another job thinking she was moving on to bigger an better things. Actually she went to work on a cruise ship but failed a physical and never got the job because she ended up picking up a STD. Though it was a roleplay... maybe in general I have become to much of a princess myself. 

I read that notecard Scooby sent out about our  private conversation and it was almost as if I have become someone I don't even recognize myself. I guess it was like looking into a mirror and seeing something you didn't exactly like. I'm not going to comment on why or how I got to that point, but all I can do it change. 

Finally - I want to personally say I'm sorry to Emanuelle who I can't say a bad thing about and I can only learn from and try to some day be as great as she is, though I have come to the conclusion that is impossible level to reach, but I can learn from. An I will start by shutting my mouth and observing her in all her greatness.

 I can only hope that in the eyes of some of you I can change your opinion of me ad gain your respect again. I wont ask for it that's too easy. I will work hard at trying to earn it back. 

An going back to my post about who is a "star". Am I a star? Let's just say this if this was real the only work I could find at this time would be on VH1 and dancing with the stars. (which that show title is pretty misleading)